Conscious Reciprocity: The Space Between Giving and Receiving

Every so often, I hear someone say, “It’s sad when spirituality has been commercialized.”

I understand the sentiment… truly. But I think that idea comes from old conditioning that says spiritual work should be free, that spiritual service should mean self-sacrifice or martyrdom (cue old school scenes baked into our culture and DNA too probably of men in the streets whipping themselves to show their pious and righteousness).

Even in traditional religion, there’s always been exchange. Congregants tithe. Priests and pastors receive a salary. The lights stay on. The building is maintained. The exchange is simply hidden beneath different language. And I know for me – some of that involved a lot of guilt and fear around pleasing God and being protected. But that’s the topic for another day…

Outside those systems, when someone creates a circle, a retreat, or a healing event, they’re still cooking the meal - planning, renting space, preparing materials, bringing materials, holding sacred space (which takes a great deal of energy BTW), cleaning up afterward, etc. To expect that labor to be “free” is like wanting to sit down at a restaurant, without wanting to pay the bill. Without acknowledging that there is an exchange – even if it’s “back in the kitchen,” while you enjoy what’s presented.

Reciprocity is spirituality. Energy moves through giving AND receiving.

When we exchange money consciously, we’re not commercializing the sacred - we’re honoring it. We’re saying, “I see your time, your training, your heart, and I value the energy you’ve poured into this.”

Sacred doesn’t need to mean free.

It means valued.

 My Personal Evolution of Giving and Receiving

For a long time, I didn’t realize how afraid I was to take up space. I wanted people to see my light and my heart, and make offerings (in business and my personal life) in return without being asked by me (because that was SO uncomfortable!). I wanted to be valued - but without having to name what that value actually looked like or bear the discomfort of holding the standard of my value.

I wanted to be seen - but without standing in the full visibility that being seen requires.

I was afraid to “be a burden,” (one of my old fear stories) yet ironically, I was CARRYING a great deal of burden for others, at my own personal sacrifice (it was easier to sacrifice myself than risk that discomfort I mentioned earlier).

When I found myself feeling resentful after I received (gross not net) only $30 in donations after a Special Solstice Circle that I had put my heart and soul into, I realized something needed to change.

I told Spirit – “I quit!” Spirit told me to sleep on it.

I woke, as I often do, with a clear vision in my mind of my covert contract. I was afraid to take up space. I was “blaming” other’s for MY inability to step into my own growth. I was afraid to ask for what I needed to make MY side balanced because it made me uncomfortable and afraid of rejection. I was afraid to take up space in my own value. It was a HUGE turning point for me personally and spiritually.

I’ve also come to realize I’m not the only one.

Many of us feel uneasy naming our worth - or paying for someone else’s - because deep down, we’ve inherited beliefs that visibility is vanity, that money is unspiritual, or that receiving somehow means we’re “takers” – or worse – that there will be “payback” required of us later (this is how giving can be used to manipulate and it’s terrible - also another topic entirely).

But energy is energy. Money is simply one way it moves.

Villainizing money because of the corrupt things that are done for it and with it, is like villainizing a beautiful woman because beauty is often exploited and used… It’s not her fault - it’s your projection. (ummm… take a pause on that one… Just saying)

When we exchange consciously and up front, we’re not “selling the sacred”; we’re sustaining it.

Of course, there’s a beautiful place for giving freely when our hearts are full - when what we offer naturally overflows as joy or service. That kind of giving fills us right back up and benefits everyone involved.

But running a community or holding ongoing spiritual space takes more than a full heart. It takes consistency, planning, emotional energy, and real-world resources. It’s not unlike cooking a meal (going back to the earlier analogy of the restaurant) - someone still pays the rent, buys the ingredients, chops the vegetables, sets the table, and does the clean-up afterward.

We live in a physical world. Our time, energy, and resources are finite. Pretending otherwise doesn’t make us more spiritual - it just disconnects spirit from body. When we honor both, we keep the energy flowing. We create balance between giving and receiving, effort and appreciation, spirit and structure.

And that’s where interdependence comes in.

Interdependence reminds us that none of us thrive alone - not the teacher, not the student, not the space-holder, not the participant. Every circle exists because of the energy that each person brings to it. It’s not about who gives more or who receives more - it’s about remembering that both are sacred acts that keep the collective heartbeat strong.

 When we each take responsibility for the energy we bring - our attention, our presence, our contribution - we move from silent expectation to conscious participation. We move from codependence or avoidance into true community.

That’s what conscious reciprocity really is:

• Interdependence in action.

It’s not transactional. It’s circulatory. It’s the rain and the sunshine that makes the garden grow - it keeps the sacred ALIVE.

 Reflection Prompts

• In what ways am I afraid to take up more space in my life — and how might that make me uncomfortable when others step fully into theirs?

• What old beliefs do I hold about money, worth, or service that might limit my ability to give or receive freely?

• Where in my life do I want to be valued, but struggle to name what that actually looks like?

• What does it mean to me to contribute consciously — whether through money, time, gratitude, or presence?

• How might honoring exchange as sacred help us build interdependent, thriving community rather than one built on self-sacrifice or silent expectation/validation?

Thank you for all of those reading this who show up and sustain this work and the work of others. SCNC is my love, my joy, and my purpose. It is also A HECK OF A LOT OF WORK - lol. I appreciate how YOU appreciate what I bring to the table, as a friend and a teacher. I look forward to seeing everyone every time we meet. This space and time is special. And I’m so thankful to be a part of it.

All My Love,

Reh